Being en route to Atlanta this past week has given me the opportunity to see the shittiest travelers around. Here are two examples of what I experienced:
First Class Bitch:
You know her. She is dressed to impress toting her kate spade bag. Her hair is perfect, and her pants are NOT wrinkled (which is amazing because you know she was sitting in a car, limo, bus, suv or something riding to the airport). She brings on an enourmously sized carry on bag. The bag is huge, and she attempts to shove, stuff, wiggle it into the overhead. You know it is not going to fit. She knows it is not going to fit. In her perfectness, people gather around to help her–and they know it is not going to fit. Mind you that a long line is gathering behind her to get to their seats on the plane. She pushes on it and rearranges other peoples things–moving their things out of her way. The line behind her grows. The stewardess makes her way, and she even tries to help her–and even she knows it is not going to fit. Finally, after about 20 minutes of fussing over this bag, it is decided that the bag should be checked. Oh my God! What an epiphany! The GIANT bag will not fit. Really? Now that the plane is delayed 20 minutes for take off, the rest of the passengers can load the plane. Thank you first class bitch. I love being late for your stupidity.
The Douche Bag:
I had the distinct pleasure of sitting behind the douche bag on the plane. He is a huge man. His spiky hair is gutting from his head in perfectly crafted rows. He is loud, and in this instance his buddy was sitting directly across the isle from him. Lucky me. This man determines that it is necessary to announce to his friend in a booming voice everything that is happening on the plane. “IT IS TIME FOR TAKE OFF,” he loudly declares. As if the rest of us on the plane could not tell that we were taking off. “THEY ARE SERVING DRINKS,” he boasts. This one interrupted my nap. Was it really necessary to announce that? Then as the stewardess gets to him, he determines that it is necessary to start a conversation with her. He speaks to her in a volume that anyone on the plane could hear. She is incredibly annoyed, but polite. She humors him for a few minutes before making her way down the rest of the row. His buddy at one point put head phones on. Oh thank you buddy. Rather than deterring this man from talking, it only prompted him to talk LOUDER to get his buddy’s attention. I wanted to sleep. Other people wanted to sleep. Thank you douche bag for a miserable flight.
